How to Cope
1) Homesickness is natural. Homesickness is painful, it hurts and it is very common among first-year students, but this too will pass. In fact parents also sometimes feel pangs of loneliness, especially if you have not been previously separated from your child. Your son or daughter may hint about transferring closer to home "for your sake" or suggest coming home on weekends to help you. For several reasons, we recommend students stay on campus during weekends, particularly in the first few months. They are more likely to make friends and take part in college activities; otherwise, this lack of involvement can make the adjustment to college life more difficult. If he or she insists on seeing you, you may want to suggest that you come to campus for a visit. This family visit will give your son or daughter a chance to show you around their new home and introduce their new roommate.
2) Write, even if they don't write back. Although new college students are typically eager to experience all the away-from-home independence, most are still anxious for family ties and the security those bring. Plus, students love getting mail!
3) Ask questions, but not to many. Most first-year students desire the security of knowing that someone from home is still interested in them. Depending on the attitudes of those involved, parental curiosity can be alienating or supportive. Sincere inquiries and "between friends" communication will further the parent-student relationship.
4) Don't worry (too much) about stressed out phone calls or letters. Often when troubles become too much for a first-year student to handle, the only place to turn, write, or dial is home. Frequently, this is the only time the urge to communicate is felt so strongly, so you may never get to hear about the good stuff. Be patient, you are providing a real service as an advice dispenser.
5) Visit, but not too often. Visits by parents are another part of first year events that new students are reluctant to admit liking, but are grateful for. Spur-of-the moment "surprises" are usually not appreciated, but definitely make plans for First Year Family Weekend or another prearranged date.
6) Do not tell your student that "These are the best years of your life." It takes a while for the student to realize that their Hollywood perceptions of college are inaccurate. It also takes a while for them to accept making mistakes and being confused or overwhelmed as part of growing up. Accept and understand the highs and lows of your student's development, this will allow you to provide support and encouragement where it's needed most.
7) Trust them. Finding oneself is difficult enough without feeling the people you respect the most are second-guessing your own second-guessing. Let them know you love them and want them to have everything that makes them happy, tell your student you trust they know best about what those things are.
8) Understanding new adventures. While many students have dreamed about the freedom and independence of college life, they quickly discover that with that freedom comes responsibility. Familiar parts of their previous lives that never required a thought now become decisions. Things such as when to do laundry, when to get up, when to go to bed, when to study, and when and what to eat will become "automatic" as students become more independent.
However, in the first few weeks these are all new decisions to be made. Even if those "little decisions" are good ones, it is safe to say that the first few days (if not weeks) of the first year are described by our students as a time when their world has been turned upside down. That can be exciting and frustrating, and will surely be a time when students experiment with what works for them. These "adventures" outside the classroom often become a very significant part of the first year experience.
There will no doubt be a few bumps in the road, but we've found that not only do most of our first years successfully navigate through this period, they quickly adapt to both the new freedoms and responsibilities that are a part of their lives.