Writing Tips, with a sense of humor
Paul J. Croce
1. Avoid alliteration always.
2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
3. The adverb always follows the verb.
4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
6. Remember to never split an infinitive.
7. Contractions aren't necessary.
8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
9. One should never generalize.
10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
11. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
12. Be more or less specific.
13. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
14. The passive voice is to be avoided.
15. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
16. Who needs rhetorical questions?
17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18. Don't never use a double negative.
19. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
20. A writer must not shift your point of view.
21. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
22. Don't never use a double negation.
23. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
24. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
25. Last but not least, avoid clichés like the plague; they're old hat; seek viable alternatives.
From: "N. G. Covault"